im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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