Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize