I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
