yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
