babies were throwing up all over the place
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize