You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't deserve a penis
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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