I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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