Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Houston, we have a squirter
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
