I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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