I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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