Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
time to smoke my breakfast
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
