All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
