the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
