found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
