If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
