He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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