We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
