so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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