i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
