It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
