I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
