It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
