Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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