His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
