Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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