North Korea, Best Korea!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
