I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
