It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize