i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
