Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
