Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
