I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
