I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
