I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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