When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Watching her eat just hurts me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
They took my balls.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
