i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
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