I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
