Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
