I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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