I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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