Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
