Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
