She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
