Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
