Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
