I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
