How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
