day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize