is your mom at the bar?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize