I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
