so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
