Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
