She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
