dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
