But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize