Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
