Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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