her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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