I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just puked most of my soul out..
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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