i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize