you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
