exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
