GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
