so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
