Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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