You made me cry and you don't even care
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
