there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
All the doctor said was why
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
