I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
