so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
