see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
