Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
