Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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