you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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